Munich 2020
by voidsiren
Summary: Please don't read this. textfic, wip; f!everyone; the gang goes to munich i guess? i was high when i wrote this; warning for mild to severe swearing
1. Chapter 1

This is my first story please be gentle

* * *

-Baywatch Babes (water emoji) (dolphin emoji) (whale emoji) (penguin emoji) (butterfly emoji)-

[thugisa]: hey bitches

[Momkoto]: Nagisa finally! Where are you guys?

[thugisa]: there uh. might have been a mistake

[thugisa]: i actually have no clue where we are

[thugisa] sent a picture: [HARU_LOOK_AT_THE_CAMERA]

[rei-of-sunshine]: Nagisa, this is just a selfie.

[thugisa]: YA I KNOW BABE BUT LOOK AT THE TOURISTS

[rei-of-sunshine]: Technically, you are a tourist as well.

[thugisa] sent a picture: [sad_face] but i love u

[Momkoto]: Could you at least send a picture of the street you're on?

[thugisa] sent a picture: [i_gotchu_ma]

[Momkoto]: I meant the street sign?

[Haru]: Do you ever get tired of taking selfies

[thugisa] sent a picture: [no]

[Haru] sent a picture: [Leonardstrasse]

[thugisa]: ooooh what filter is that

[rei-of-sunshine]: Thank you Haruka-senpai

[Momkoto]: See Nagisa was it really that hard?

[thugisa]: ya

[thugisa]: im the selfie queen i dont give up my crown for anything

[rei-of-sunshine]: Not even chocolate?

[thugisa]: ha no

[Momkoto]: Not even Rei?

[thugisa]: ok no but thats not fair shes my girlfriend and this is all hypothetical and shut up haru

[Haru]: I didn't say anything

[thugisa]: i can see u smiling and its freaking me out

[Haru]: Rude

[Momkoto]: Leave her alone, Nagisa

[rei-of-sunshine]: Please stop bickering for one moment, someone needs to figure out the streets.

[thugisa]: i TOLD you it would help if SOMEONE spoke english but NO dont listen to nagisa! shes high all the time!

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

-Sharkwatch lil shits (yes every group chat needs to be alliterative makoto) [THE PUNS NEED TO STOP. PLEASE.]-

[Haru]: Rin you speak english

[Jaws3D]: wow nice observation genius

[thugisa]: wait rin wtf u speak english?

[Jaws3D]: ...

[thugisa]: hey you kept the username!

[Jaws3D]: i knew ud just change it back so theres no point

[Jaws3D]: still mad tho

[thugisa]: aww shark week i missed you

[Momkoto]: You would not believe your dick if h-e-double hockey stick

[Momkoto]: Oops wrong chat

[Jaws3D]: this is why i dont hang out with you guys anymore

[thugisa]: (heart emoji x 3)

[Jaws3D]: stop

[rei-of-sunshine]: Can you help us though?

[Jaws3D]: sure rei whats up

[thugisa]: OK RUDE WHY DO YOU LIKE REI AND NOT US

[Jaws3D]: because shes actually a tolerable human being

[thugisa]: :,(

[thugisa]: but i agree rei is the best

[rei-of-sunshine]: Thank you

[thugisa]: (yellow heart emoji x 3) love u babe!

[rei-of-sunshine]: (purple heart x 3)

[Haru]: Beautiful

[Jaws3D]: *disgusting

[Jaws3D]: text me ur location and ill come save ur sorry asses

[Momkoto]: Aww thank you my beautiful daughter

[Jaws3D]: np mom

* * *

[A/N] - Are author's notes still a thing? I'm gonna assume they're still a thing

Truth be told I wrote this in 2016 before they announced the 2020 Olympics would be in Tokyo... but also half the plot points wouldn't make sense so here we are... in Munich

...cause it's the only city I've been lol

If you even think about favoriting this story I will destroy you on a molecular level. Don't do it.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - Thanks to my lovely reviewers, I've heard your pleas and yes, I will be changing Nagisa's name to something that's not a complete eyesore

* * *

-Operation: Save Nagisa (again) [THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU ASSHOLES]-

[thugisa] sent a picture: [here]

[Jaws3D]: why did u take a picture in front of the street sign

[thugisa]: aesthetic

[Jaws3D]: i cant read it bc ur face is literally directly in front of it

[Jaws3D]: do any of u think before u do things?

[Haru]: Not usually

[thugisa]: nah its a point of pride actually

[Jaws3D]: you know i could still just stop for coffee instead

[thugisa]: NONONO PLES HELP

[Haru]: Ples

[thugisa]: DONT MAKE FUN OF ME

[Haru]: I was just repeating it for emphasis

[thugisa]: OH OK COOL

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

-The Schuyler Sisters and momo-

[Eliza]: where are you going

[Jaws3D]: my other friends need help

[Eliza]: k

[momo]: rin-senpai what happened to ur name?

[Peggy]: We cant be the schuyler sisters without angelica!

[Jaws3D]: my other friends kinda suck

[momo]: NOOO

[Eliza] changed contact name to [soundsgay]

[momo]: the meme can't die!

[Peggy]: I cant make a pun out of my name rip

[soundsgay]: the meme is dead

[momo]: noooooooo

[Jaws3D]: be good while im gone ok kids? listen to aunt soundsgay

[soundsgay]: petition to legally change my name to that

[Peggy]: Seconded

[mom]: we'll be fine mom chill

[soundsgay]: im taking them to the beer hall

[Jaws3D]: nice dont forget to send pics

[soundsgay] sent an image: [sup]

[Jaws3D]: WTF I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING DONT DRINK WITHOUT ME

[soundsgay]: then you better hurry your ass and get back here

[Jaws3D]: do you know how much i hate you right now

[soundsgay]: thats a weird way to spell 'i love you' but you're illiterate so i'll just accept it

[Peggy]: WOW F

[momo]: oooooooooh

[Jaws3D]: IM BILINGUAL YOU FUCK

[Jaws3D]: I TAKE IT BACK U ALL SUCK

[soundsgay]: nice rhyme loser

[momo]: bye mum we love you!

[Peggy]: (heart emoji)

[soundsgay]: go get ur princess ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[Jaws3D]: SHUT UP

-Jaws3D muted group chat-

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

-Baywatch Babes (water emoji) (dolphin emoji) (whale emoji) (penguin emoji) (butterfly emoji)-

[thugisa]: babe

[thugisa]: babe i miss you

[rei-of-sunshine]: We will likely see each other in no less than a few hours

[thugisa]: but babeeee i want to be with you now

[rei-of-sunshine]: You are very sweet (purple heart x 3)

[thugisa]: awwwwwwww u too (yellow heart x 3)

[Momkoto]: Can you two be couple-y in a different chat

[rei-of-sunshine]: Okay

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

-Sharkwatch lil shits (yes every group chat needs to be alliterative makoto) [PLEASE THE PUNS NEED TO STOP]-

[rei-of-sunshine]: I still love you in this group chat (purple heart x 3)

[thugisa]: awwww rei what a coincidence me too (yellow heart x 5)

[Momkoto]: PDA

[Jaws3D]: disgusting

[rei-of-sunshine]: *Beautiful

[thugisa]: yall are just jelly ;)

[Haru]: Jelly

[thugisa]: why must u always bully me like this haru

[Haru]: No I was asking for clarification

[Haru]: I don't know how to write question marks

[rei-of-sunshine]: Oh dear

[thugisa]: oh. ok

[Momkoto]: Honey do you need help?

[Haru]: Kinda yeah

[thugisa]: but then how is ur grammar so good?

[Haru]: I don't know it just sort of happens

[rei-of-sunshine]: Autocorrect?

[Haru]: What is that

[Momkoto]: Oh dear...

[Jaws3D]: ha dolphin girl ur hopeless

[thugisa]: speaking of hopeless cases hows ur love life doing, deep blue sea?

[Jaws3D]: fuck off

[Haru]: What are you guys talking about

[thugisa]: exactly

-[Jaws3D] left group chat-

-[rei-of-sunshine] added [Jaws3D] to group chat-

[thugisa]: no one leaves

[Haru]: Seriously though why did you say jelly why are we talking about marmelade

[Momkoto]: Oh, honey...

[Haru]: What

* * *

A/N - Wow those Hamilton references huh. Past me really was the worst


	3. Chapter 3

-Operation: Save Nagisa (again) [THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU ASSHOLES]-

[Jaws3D]: dont worry about them nanase

[Jaws3D]: also are u guys still sitting at that cafe im almost there

[thugisa]: um...

[Jaws3D]: what

[thugisa]: about that...

[Jaws3D]: are u shitting me

[thugisa]: there might be a sliiight problem...

[Jaws3D]: nagisa u better be trying to pull a prank right now or i swear to god

[thugisa]: yeah dont worry shark week im just fucking with ya

[Jaws3D]: i hate you

[Haru]: Why would you piss off the person who's coming to help us

[Jaws3D]: THANK you haru finally someone with common sense!

[thugisa]: haru, common sense?

[thugisa] sent a gif: [are_you_sure_about_that]

[Haru]: Somehow that sounded like an insult

[Jaws3D]: it was

[Haru]: Rude

[thugisa]: sorry hon i love u ;)

[Jaws3D]: im here u ungrateful cretins whats ur hotel address

[thugisa]: awwwwwwww thanks rin-rin! [heart emoji x 2]

[Jaws3D]: ugh whatever

[Jaws3D]: wait whats haru doing

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

-Baywatch Babes (water emoji) (dolphin emoji) (whale emoji) (penguin emoji) (butterfly emoji)-

[thugisa]: AND ON THIS DAY MATSUOKA RIN FUCKING DIED

[thugisa] sent a picture: [LOL_WUT]

[thugisa]: IM WHEEZING HAHAHAHA LOOK AT HER FACE

[rei-of-sunshine]: What happened?

[thugisa]: HARU HAPPENED IM DECEASED

[Momkoto]: ? please elaborate

[thugisa]: we all know our good friend right? nanase "no social skills" haruka

[Haru]: I don't have a middle name

[thugisa]: sshhh let me finish my story!

[thugisa]: anyway apparently she thought the best way to thank someone is to kiss them on the cheek

[rei-of-sunshine]: Oh dear

[Momkoto]: Oh dear seconded

[Haru]: Are you sure it's not though

[thugisa]: GUYS STOP INTERRUPTING ME

[Momkoto]: Sorry love continue

[thugisa]: aaaaaanyways, to thank our dear rin-rin for saving our sorry asses, haru decides to go ambush her and the madwoman literally does it! she kisses the girl!

[Haru]: What's wrong with that

[Momkoto]: OH MY GOD

[thugisa]: ASNKXKSKEJS SO MANY THINGS HARU WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

[rei-of-sun]: So what happened?

[thugisa]: SKDKDOWJA

[thugisa]: ok ok so thats when i took the picture, when rins sitting there blushing like an idiot and thats not even the best part

[Makoto]: What else happened?!

[Haru]: It's not important

[thugisa]: yeah haru made me promise not to tell anyone

[Momkoto]: YOU CAN'T LEAVE IT LIKE THAT

[Momkoto]: SPILL

[thugisa]: lol mum ur super invested in this

[Momkoto]: I've shipped them since we were ten year old you better fucking believe I'm invested

[Haru]: You did what

[rei-of-sunshine]: Is it just me or did Makoto get really evil suddenly

[thugisa]: lol ok ok ill tell you guys just please SSSHHHHHH

[Haru]: Nagisa please

[thugisa]: so we're at the sushi place right? and the waiter is trying to take our order and rin's still sitting there blushing and trying to look mad and haru's looking clueless as usual

[Haru]: Rude

[thugisa]: and theyre sitting next to each other bc i am a love god you're welcome

[thugisa]: and me and the waiter are making small talk and he goes 'lol i've been where you are and i don't envy you mate'

[thugisa]: i paraphrase of course

[thugisa]: and im like 'what do u mean man'

[thugisa]: and he says 'it must be hard being the third wheel of that lovely couple over there'

[rei-of-sunshine]: Oh my god

[Momkoto]: AKDODOEJSJA

[thugisa]: BECAUSE RIN STILL HAS HARUS LIPSTICK ALL OVER HER FACE AND WE DIDNT TELL HER

[thugisa]: WJDKDOWJAJA SEND HLEP

[Haru]: But we aren't dating

[thugisa]: TELL THAT TO THE WAITER DUDE AHAHA

[rei-of-sunshine]: From what I hear, it sounds like you should be

[Momkoto]: Preach

[Haru]: ?

[thugisa]: she found the question marks lol

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

-Arrr here we bully shark girl-

[Jaws3D]: send help

[soundsgay]: what

[Jaws3D]: a waiter just mistook haru and i for a couple again

[soundsgay]: 'again' lol

[GouAway]: u mean ur not dating?

[GouAway]: and which one of u assholes changed my name again

[Jaws3D]: it was sousuke and ABSOLUTELY NOT ARE U KIDDING ME WE ARE NOT DATING

[GouAway]: i think my sister doth protest too much ;)

[soundsgay]: lmao get it

[Jaws3D]: AKSKKD S I HATE YOU BOTH

[GouAway]: well apparently u should tell ur girlfriend that cause she just kissed u in a street full of tourists and thats pretty gay (shrug emoji)

[Jaws3D]: who the fuck told you

[Jaws3D]: it was nagisa wasnt it

[GouAway]: ya

[Jaws3D]: brb about to commit homicide

[soundsgay]: homiecide

[Jaws3D]: im not buying you two anything for christmas


	4. Chapter 4

-Baywatch Babes (water emoji) (dolphin emoji) (whale emoji) (penguin emoji) (butterfly emoji)-

[Haru]: Also I've never really understood our group chat name

[Momkoto]: What do you mean, hon?

[Haru]: Like is it supposed to be a pun

[Haru]: Were you trying to be funny

[Haru]: Did you mean baewatch

[thugisa]: OH MY GOD YES?!

[thugisa]: ALDKDKSOJSD HARU WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU SMARTER THAN ME

-[thugisa] changed group chat name to [Baewatch]-

[rei-of-sunshine]: The pinnacle of comedy, truly

[thugisa]: THX BABE

[thugisa]: OMG THeres this dude that keeps hitting on sharknado lmao hes about to get punched in the balls

[rei-of-sunshine]: Another one?

[Momkoto]: Tell her we're not bailing her out this time

[thugisa]: wait no harus going into defensive girlfriend mode

[Haru]: We're not dating

[thugisa]: akkfjshssk two incidents in one night im blessed :,)

[Momkoto]: Ok this I have to see

[Momkoto]: what sushi restaurant are you at

[thugisa]: I DONT KNOW I DONT SPEAK GERMAN OR ENGLISH

[rei-of-sunshine]: We'll find you, just turn on your location

[thugisa]: akdkdksk thanks babe (yellow heart)

[rei-of-sunshine]: (purple heart)

[Momkoto]: You two are so pure omg

[Momkoto]: Be there in a sec

[Haru]: Wait we could have just done that the whole time

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

[Peggy]: Oi! Dumbass!

[momo]: ai who are you talking to

[Peggy]: You, sorry

[Peggy]: Just testing it out. Sounds weird coming from me

[momo]: agreed please never do that again

[Peggy]: Hi guys

[momo]: oh thats so much better

[soundsgay]: what prompted the new greeting?

[Peggy]: It's how setters say hello! Apparently

[Jaws3D]: whats a setter

[Peggy]: Idk!

[soundsgay]: half our national volleyball team is in the lobby lol its lit

[Peggy]: And Ive been talking to one of them

[Peggy]: It's weird because like... she's like Haruka-san but angry

[Jaws3D]: what does that mean

[Peggy]: Idk!

[soundsgay]: thers also four single guys and momo still can't get a date

[momo]: IM WORKING ON IT OK

[soundsgay]: from canada's basketball team apparently

[soundsgay]: u should come back to the hotel its where the cool kids are

[Jaws3D]: cant im busy

[soundsgay]: lol

[momo]: with your girlfriend?

[Jaws3D]: not my girlfriend

[soundsgay]: touchy subject, eh

[Jaws3D]: youre not canadian just because you talked to a few basketball players

[soundsgay]: yep touchy subject

[Peggy]: Why don't you just ask her out?

[Jaws3D]: same reason mom cant get a date

[Jaws3D]: shes not interested

[momo]: dont use me as an example i try really hard ok

[Peggy]: Hey, that was kinda mean

[Jaws3D]: i know! im sorry u guys are just stressing me out

[Jaws3D]: what if i dont want to date Haru anyway huh?

[soundsgay]: i just read that as "u gays are stressing me" lmao

[Jaws3D]: that doesnt answer my question

[soundsgay]: yes it does

[momo]: u took the time to capitalize her name, dude. ur fucked

-[Jaws3D] muted group chat-

[momo]: rude

[soundsgay]: this is a convenient segue though you have to admit

oOoOoOoOoOo

-if sharkgirl is rin, does haru have lava powers? (nagisa it's 3 go to sleep)-

[thugisa]: hey rin-rin hows it going with the gf? (eyes emoji x 3)

[Jaws3D]: ...

[Jaws3D]: fuck off

[Momkoto]: I want the deets too but Nagisa why that many eyes

[thugisa]: why not?

[thugisa]: (eyes emoji x 6)

[Momkoto]: This makes me so uncomfortable

[Jaws3D]: you know what makes me uncomfortable? y'all pestering me about haru

[Jaws3D]: we're not dating!

[Momkoto]: Sorry babe

[thugisa]: but dont you want to be? (eyes emoji x 7)

[Momkoto]: ...

[Momkoto]: The eyes, Nagisa

[Jaws3D]: fuck

[Jaws3D]:

[thugisa]: um babe u good?

[Jaws3D]: MAYBE ive liked her since we were ten, but does it even matter? does she like anything besides swimming? no

[Momkoto]: Oh dear

[Jaws3D]: i should nkot have said that i sbould not have said that

[thugisa]: LMAOOOO HAGRID I KNEW IT

[Momkoto]: Knew that she was Hagrid or that she had a crush on Haru?

[thugisa]: which one do you think makoto

[Momkoto]: Oh yeah

[Momkoto]: So Rin are you going to ask her out

[Jaws3D]: AJSKDISHZ

[thugisa]: well that was one mystery that we didnt need solved, but god dammit if we didnt solve it anyway

[thugisa]: also its already like 10 y'all need to fix the group chat name

[Momkoto] changed group chat name to [if rin is sharkgirl, does haru have lava powers? (nagisa its 10 but please stop)]

[thugisa]: lmao lit

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

-The Schuyler Sisters and momo (can we come up with another name the meme is dead)-

[Jaws3D]: how is your hotel party going

[Peggy]: It's lit!

[momo]: ngl nitori that was the most disturbing thing youve said all might

[momo]: night

[Peggy]: ALL MIGHT?!

[momo]: it was a typo :|

[Peggy]: What's not to understand? We're still hanging out with the volleyball kids and shit's lit!

[Jaws3D]: sousuke did you get ai drunk

[soundsgay]: maybe...

[soundsgay]: ;)

[Peggy]: I'm not drunk! I'm just really happy and I want to tell everyone how much I love them!

[momo]: she's tried to hug me so many times rin please help

[soundsgay]: hm gay but we'll come back to that later

[soundsgay]: rin babe u sound more depressed than usual

[Jaws3D]: thanks its the Depression

[momo]: the Great Depression

[Peggy]: What's wrong rin-senpai? I will fix

[Peggy]: t

[Jaws3D]: thanks nitori

[Peggy]: No problem i love you!

[momo]: seriously whats wrong though

[Jaws3D]: yeah

[momo]: that doesn't answer my question

[soundsgay]: hey rin r u still with nagisa and haru

[Jaws3D]: yes why...

[soundsgay]: no reason :) have a nice time

[momo]: why did she get really scary all of a sudden

[Jaws3D]: no idea but now im terrified

* * *

A/N - If you think this story isn't an excuse to sneak in as many 50% Off references as possible you would be wrong


End file.
